


Leave A Light On

by mylittleredfox



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hijacking, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:28:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26248699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylittleredfox/pseuds/mylittleredfox
Summary: Play: Leave A Light on by Tom walker
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant
Comments: 3
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Play: Leave A Light on by Tom walker

_The second someone mentioned you were all alone_   
_I could feel the trouble coursing through your veins_   
_Now I know, it's got a hold_   
_Just a phone call left unanswered, had me sparking up_   
_These cigarettes won't stop me wondering where you are_   
_Don't let go, keep a hold_

**Bucks POV**

How did I get here? I can't even tell you, or maybe I can.

It started when I started a lawsuit against my firefam. It wasn't one of my greatest ideas, I can at least admit that. But I only did it for once reason and one reason only. To get back to my family and also protect them, if I hadn't done it well he would have still sued them for other things, but he was so focused on mine that he didn't, and I saw that as a bonus. But I guess I shouldn't have cashed in all my blessings too soon. They all hate me, and well I guess I hate me too now. No one believes me or wants to believe me, no one wants me sorry excuse of a apology. God it hurts. Hurts a lot.

And now look where I am now. In a freaking ditch. With a fucking stab wound to the stomach. My Jeep was stolen, thank god he didn't check for my phone. But did I really want help? Did I really want anyone to find me? I did right? God why was this so hard to think over? I wanted to live, right?

This is so weird it's like I'm hearing leave a light on by Tom walker in my head. Is this what happens when you die, you hear freaking Tom walker in your head as you die, Or is that just me? I groaned when I tried to stand. Only to fall to the ground in a useless heap of muscle and blood seeping through my shirt. I could tell the guy knew what he was doing, the wound was pretty deep and I'm sure if I didn't get help soon I would die. But who would find me when it's dark and cold? Who would want to find me anyways? I'm useless. I'm no use to anybody anymore. Everyone has someone, well except for me. Chim has Maddie and Maddie has chim. Hen has Karen and they're kids. Bobby has Athena and the kids plus Michael. And Eddie my best friend or was my best friend. He has everyone and he has Christopher. Man I should have never chickened out when of asking him out. Maybe things out have been different. Now I have no one. Cause everyone hates me. I even hate myself.

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_   
_Guidin' like a lighthouse_   
_To a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace_   
_'Cause we've all made mistakes_   
_If you've lost your way_

  
I groaned and reached my phone, I kept my one hand on top of my wound. I texted the only person who would give a shit about me. I texted her the song, and also,

' _Goodbye_ _Athena'_ I texted her.

I dropped my phone. I was starting to get cold and tired and I knew that was a bad sign. But at the moment I didn't give a shit. I lifted my hand from my wound and looked at it. Blood covered my whole hand and dripped little drops of blood everywhere. I smiled through my tired state. At least I know everyone will be okay when I'm gone. They'll be okay. It was weird what I saw. It went dark but at same time I saw a light. But it felt warm. So I didn't fight. Not anymore. I was tired of fighting, so I just . . . stopped.  
  


_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
  


∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

**Athenas POV**

Ugh, another night of chasing idiots and crazy people, but I've got to say I love my job. I get to see my family on daily bases, so I can't complain. But something hasn't been right for awhile, I haven't seen buck around that much, only at the fire station, but still it doesn't feel right. Not like it used to. It feels like everyone is keeping things from me and if I find out they've been keeping things from me. Oh I'm going mama bear on they're asses. I was concentrating on the road when I got a text. I sighed and grabbed my phone. I saw it was a text from buck. I smiled a little. I missed my boy, as much as I didn't want to admit it, he's my boy. He's my son. And I missed him throughout the whole lawsuit. I wasn't even mad at him. He was going through things and I could understand that. I just miss having him over for dinner and helping the kids with they're homework. The kids miss they're big brother. And I miss my son. But when I opened the text I was confused. Who was Tom walker? Why did buck text me a song? I clicked on it and I listened to it.

_Tell me what's been happenin', what's been on your mind_   
_Lately, you've been searchin' for a darker place to hide_   
_That's alright_   
_But if you carry on abusing, you'll be robbed from us_   
_I refuse to lose another friend to drugs_   
_Just come home, don't let go_

Why does it sound so sad? And why would buck send me this? Was something wrong with my boy? I saw there was another text. I swerved and stopped the cruiser. My eyes widened at the text that he texted me. ' _Goodbye Athena'._ What would he mean by that? Was something wrong? I texted him back, but got no reply. I growled and decided to call him. But it just rang and no answer. I growled under my breath. You better be okay, and if you are I'm going to kick your ass for scaring me. I raced the cruiser to his apartment. But even his Jeep wasn't in the driveway.

Where would he be? Think Athena think. Oh yeah the find my iPhone. I did it after Maddie was taken. So I can track his iPhone. I got to my phone and got on find my iPhone. In a few seconds I did. I pulled out and booked it. I didn't want to chance it.

I finally made it, third and G street. It was a long road and had a big ditch on the side of it. I had a bad feeling. I brought my flashlight with me, just in case. In case of what? I didn't know what and that's what scared me.

"Buck!", I yelled out his name. But I got no answer. I looked around. But didn't see anything. "Buck!", I yelled again. But again I didn't get an answer.

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_   
_Guidin' like a lighthouse_   
_To a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace_   
_'Cause we've all made mistakes_   
_If you've lost your way_

"Buck!", I yelled once more. But again I got nothing. My heart was pounding against my chest in fear and worry. I had a very bad feeling about this.

"Bu-" I stopped mid yell when I saw a figure in the dark. It was a big figure of a person. Fear was the only thing I could feel. I could feel my whole body become cold and it wasn't from the actual cold. I started to run, and I mean i really book it. I flashed my light on whatever it was. I cried out when I saw who it was.

"BUCK!", I screamed his name. I fell to my knees when I got to him.

_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_

I didn't know where to start. I shown my flashlight on him. I gasped when I saw it. A big stain of lips staining his shirt. I reached to lift his shirt. I gasped again when I saw how bad it was. I immediately took off my jacket and pressed it against the wound. He didn't even flinch. This was bad, this was really bad. I leaned over to check his breathing. I put my ear towards his mouth. But I didn't hear anything. No. No. No! I put two fingers against his pulse point. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_   
_Guidin' like a lighthouse_   
_It's a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace_   
_And if you've lost your way, if you've lost your way_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_And I know you're down and out now, but I need you to be brave_   
_Hidin' from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay_   
_I see your pain_   
_If you don't feel our grace and you've lost your way_

There was a light pulse. But so little that I barely felt it. "Okay Buckaroo, I'm here to help, your not leaving us, I'm going to help you, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere", I said to him. But I think it was only to myself. I started to do CPR. Two pushes against the chest and mouth to mouth to give him air. "Come on Buck! We've got this! You've got this! Don't let this be your downfall, come on! Breathe!", I said to him as I counted how many pushes I pushed against his chest. I gave him mouth to mouth a couple times. "Come on Buck! I know you can do this!".

I grabbed my radio, "this is Sargent grant, I have a firefighter down! Firefighter Evan Buckley is down! I repeat I have a firefight down, on third and G street", I said into the radio.

I went back to Buck, I could see the blood soaking through the jacket. I gulped. Come on Buck, don't give up now. Don't give up.

_Well, I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_'Cause I will leave the light on_

I pressed two pushes onto his chest. And then a few times of giving air to him. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I can't lose a son. I can't. "Come on buck, I can't lose my son, please, please come back, come back, please", I said as I sobbed. I wasn't going to lose him. I pressed harder and harder on his chest. I gave him a couple breaths of air. I sobbed and cried when he didn't even move. His lips were turning blue.

"Please Buck, please, I love you son, I love you and so do so many people, that's why you have to live, come on baby, live, live for us, you can do it, just think of the people you'll be leaving if you do, the crew, may, Henry, Christopher, Denny, your sister, you can't leave us buck, please just breathe", I cried. But I didn't even hear a single breath or feel him move. I shook in anger and sadness. I so angry at the person who thought that they could hurt my boy and get away with it. They thought they could take my boy from me.

Oh hell no, not my boy.

Not today.

T _he second someone mentioned you were all alone_  
 _I could feel the trouble coursin' through your veins_  
 _Now I know it's got a hold_  
 _Just a phone call left unanswered had me sparkin' up_  
 _These cigarettes won't stop me wonderin' where you are_  
 _Don't let go, keep a hold_

I pressed as hard as I could on his chest. And then I breathed into his mouth. Come on buck. Please. Please come back. And that's when I heard it. I heard him gasp. I started to cry tears of joy. My boy.

"It's okay sweetie, I'm right here, I'm right here, just calm down, I'm right here buck", I said soothingly. I ran a hand through his hair. His eyes found mine. He looked confused to see me. Did he think I wouldn't have come? I would have came either way, even if he was at home feeling bad for himself, I would have still came.

"M-Mom?", he whispered. I smiled. He used to call me that, Even if he was joking. I always saw him as my son.

I ran my hand through his hair again. "I'm right here sweetie, help is coming, just hold on", I said softly. I could feel him gripping my shirt in his hand. His eyes became glassy.  
  


_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_   
_Guidin' like a lighthouse_   
_To a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace_   
_'Cause we've all made mistakes_   
_If you've lost your way_

"It hurts", he whimpered. I swallowed the bale that came up. I know it hurt him so badly to hold on.

I sighed sadly. "I know sweetie, I know it hurts, but helps coming, I promise", I whispered softly to him. He whimpered.

"Why don't you hate me?", he asked softly.

"I don't hate you Buck, what on earth made you think that?", I asked him.

At least he was taking. But why did he think I hated him?

"The others do, they hate me for the lawsuit", he whispered.

I could feel the anger rise up inside of me. "Have they not been treating you right buck baby?"

_Where was the damn ambulance?_

"No, and I can understand, I hate myself too", he whispered. I watched him close his eyes. I panicked.

"No, no there's no time for that Buck, don't close your eyes on me, stay awake sweetie, you don't deserve to have people hate you Buck, and you don't deserve to hate yourself either, they should have understood, like I did, the lawsuit wasn't the smartest thing, but I could understand and they should have too, they should have forgiven you and saw your side, when we get back I'm going to give them a big taking to, okay, hows that sound?", I told him.

He smiled weakly. "That's sounds nice", he said softly. I smiled and kissed his forehead.  
  


"Mom..........I'm tired", he whispered.

"I know baby I know, but you can't sleep right now", I said running my fingers through his hair.

His eyes were barely open. "Come on buck, tell me what happened, who did this to you?", I asked him.

He let out a tired sigh. "Some guy carjacked me...wanted my Jeep...I tried fighting back...didn't know he had a knife on him...he made me park here and told me to get out...I tried to fight him...but he just pulled out his knife and stabbed me...why is it always me?...I was only going to see the captain to see if I could transfer...why do bad things always happen to me?", he said through soft breaths.

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks as I saw the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. I felt the anger come back. If it weren't for them making him so done being there and wanting a transfer. He wouldn't have wanted to go to the captain to get a transfer, he wouldn't have been out here this late, he wouldn't be like this. He wouldn't be in so much pain.

_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
  


He sighed through his breathing. He turned his head and looked at me. He gave me a sad and weak smile. "I love you.....mom", he said weakly.

I gave him one back. "I love you too son", I said softly. But when I finished that sentence he closed his eyes. No, no, no. I patted his cheek. "Buck come on, come on Buck, open your eyes, open your eyes sweetie, open your eyes", I said pleading him. But as much as I patted his cheek. He didn't even move a muscle. I started to cry again. No. I can't lose my boy. Come on Buck. Please.  
  


I sighed in relief when I heard sirens. I flashed my light at them. They came down with a gurney. They loaded him up on it. One of them looked at me. "You can follow after us Sargent grant", he said. I swallowed and nodded my head. They rolled him up the hill and into the Ambulance. I shakily looked at my hands. They were covered in blood. They were drenched in blood. Up to my wrists in blood. I cried and cried. I'm going to remember this for a long time. This will haunt me for the rest of my life.  
  


I got in my cruiser and followed after the ambulance. I clenched my hands around the steering wheel. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. But it was so hard not to. I wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. But I had to be there for my boy. My buck. It felt like hours before we got to the hospital when it was only about fifteen Minutes. They stopped and rolled him inside in a hurry. I was so worried. Could they save him? Was he going to live? Was he going to die?  
  


I couldn't go after him. I had to go wait Impatiently in the waiting room.

_Tell me what's been happenin', what's been on your mind_   
_Lately, you've been searchin' for a darker place to hide_   
_That's alright_   
_But if you carry on abusing, you'll be robbed from us_   
_I refuse to lose another friend to drugs_   
_Just come home, don't let go_

I sat down in one of the uncomfortable chairs. I leaned forward and looked at my bloody hands, blood that didn't belong to me. I let out a shaky breath, trying not to cry, but I could already feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. All this blood, the wound, was so deep. He was bleeding out, alone. He was alone when he almost died. He was so alone and he thought he would die alone. I sobbed and sobbed. My boy thought he had nobody. But he had me. His other family might've betrayed him. But I won't, I'll never leave him.

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_   
_Guidin' like a lighthouse_   
_To a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace_   
_'Cause we've all made mistakes_   
_If you've lost your way_

I could hear the sound of multiple footsteps. I turned my head and I saw who it was. I could feel the cold touch of anger hit me like a brick wall. "Athena what happened, I got a call, but they didn't say who it was for, they only said you were here, what happened?", Bobby asked me. He looked genuinely worried and so did the others. Ha. They were the reason why my boy was fighting for his life. They are the reason my boy almost died in my arms. They are the reason my boy thought no one loved him, they are the reason he almost died alone.

I got up in anger and glared at all of them. "It's your fault!", I yelled at them.  
  


_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
_I will leave the light on_   
  



	2. Your Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Play: Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi

Athena did not look happy as she looked at them. She was not happy at all.

"This is your fault, all your damn fault, my boy almost died in a fucking ditch, he thought no one would find him, he thought he deserved to die alone, you have no idea how broken that boy is and that's because of you, if you hadn't done what you did he wouldn't have been out this late to go see the damn Chief for a transfer, this is all on you, and if my boy dies all of this shit is on you, I will never forgive you, so good luck with that shit on your conscious", she hissed at them with anger in her voice but tears in her eyes.

And just when she finished a doctor came up to her. "For Evan Buckley?", he asked her.

"Yes, is my son okay, please tell me he's okay", she said. She hoped her boy lived. She really did.

The doctor sighed. Which didn't help Athena think any different. "We have no idea how long he bled out for, the knife hit a artery, and with him on blood thinners, we lost him a few times, but it's a miracle that he's even alive, we had to put him on so many blood transfusions, your son is really lucky to be alive, but because of all of the blood loss we had to put him in a coma, just so his body can rest and the blood can do it's job, it's a good thing you got to him when you did, a little while longer and he would've been dead, he's really Lucky", he said.

He gave Athena a sad smile. "You can see him, he's in room 13", he said before leaving. Athena sighed and sat down in the chair. She ran a hand through her hair.

He was alive, her boy was alive. He almost died but he's alive. She's so lucky that she did get to him in time.

_I fell by the wayside like everyone else_   
_I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself_   
_Our every moment, I start to replace_   
_'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say_

She didn't know what she would've done if he had died. She may not have liked him at first. But he crawled his way into her heart and made her love him as a son. And she would do anything for the boy. She could feel the relief run through her, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She was so happy to have him back. She got up and ignored the others, she walked her way to his hospital room. She peeked her head in to see him. She let out a little gasp. He looked so tiny, so small. She couldn't be that this was her boy laying there, If the doctor hadn't already told her he would live she would've thought he be dead. But he wasn't and she couldn't be happier that he was. She slowly walked up to his bed side. She smiled sadly.

_When you hurt under the surface_   
_Like troubled water running cold_   
_Well, time can heal but this won't_

"You really need to cut it out with getting hurt all the time baby. You and the hospital staff are probably on first name bases, they might even name a wing after you, oh I thought I've lost you, but knowing you, you always know how to get back up after you get hurt, you are so strong Buckaroo, so very strong, I'm so glad your going to be okay, don't worry about me leaving you, I ain't going anywhere, I promise, the others well they are dumbasses, I had no idea, but now that I do, I'm going to go mama bear on they're asses, and I know if you were awake you would have tried to stop me from doing it, but since your not, I am, cause your my boy and they hurt You, that doesn't go well with this mama bear, so why don't you just rest and let me do the rest, I love you Buckaroo", she said kissing his forehead. She patted his hand softly.

_So, before you go_   
_Was there something I could've said_   
_To make your heart beat better?_   
_If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather_   
_So, before you go_   
_Was there something I could've said_   
_To make it all stop hurting?_   
_It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless_   
_So, before you go_

It looked so weird seeing him like this, it looked as if he was just sleeping. But she knew better, he's been hurt too many times for her to count and she was going to do something about it, first she's going to mama bear they're asses and then she's going to go after the dumbass that thought they could hurt her boy and get away with it. That won't slide with her. It's a good thing she's a cop, so she's going to book his ass to jail for a long time. She placed another kiss on his forehead. "I'll be right back, you get some rest baby, I'll be right back, I have a dumbass to book", she said, she walked towards the door, she looked back at her boy, she knew she was doing this for her boy and no one was going to stop her.

She walked out of the hospital room. Only to see the other dumbasses that hurt her boy, they're lucky she doesn't book they're asses too. She gave her 'Athena' glare. "You even think about upsetting him, I will kick your asses all the way to fucking China, I'm not kidding either, I'm watching you", she said glaring at them. She wasn't messing around. She walked away from them. She was going to book the asshole who decided it was okay to hurt her boy. He better pray she doesn't find him, but she knew she would find him either way. That boy was her son, blood or not, he was her boy and nothing was going to stop her from avenging him.  
  
  


Nothing.


End file.
